To all:

An update from the front. We have been conducting operations as normal. Keeping busy, but not loosing any more marines fortunately. The pace has picked up a bit since our last big engagement on the 17th of April. We have been being hit by IEDs (Improvised Explosive Device) more and more. There have been sporadic firefights since then, including the one I was in... I'll go into that a little later. The morale is like a roller coaster. One day you are happy, then next you are bored and the next you are totally focused on a situation and controlling battle assets.

Friends have been rotating in and out. The good news is the Cobra and Huey pilots switch every two weeks so I get to see some of the guys I went to flight school with every so often. Others have been transfered to other bases, some were wounded in battles or by explosions, and fewer still have gone home the hard way. I'd like to believe that I'm a good person, but I do wish I felt more remorse for those lost over here. Ours and theirs. The children over here are beautiful. They are energetic and full of life. They light up when you give them candy or a soccer ball, and their parents love it when we pass things out to them, but there are a select few parents, and a large number of those without kids, who just look at you and scowl. It's actually humorous when you wave at a guy and he waves back, your eyes lock, and you both smile knowingly and with genuine humor, and you know that you will see each other at the wrong end of a gunfight in the near future... but you still wave, and you both smile, and give a knowing nod... a kind of warriors respect. I know he is the enemy, but can do nothing about it at that moment in time. He is thinking exactly the same thing. It almost reminds me of civil war generals talking to each other on a hill before the battle. Cordial, courteous and almost humorous. But still there is an underlying respect for the other. I can't really explain it... it's like love... can you explain it? No, but once you have experienced it, you know exactly what it is. I harbor no ill will to this man, but he is my enemy and I am his. But not today... Analogy: You feel like a professional sports player, shaking hands with a member of the other team the day before the big game. Respect for a like minded professional if you will.

The fire fight was like a movie. The corner outposts of our base begins firing wildly, staccato machine gun blasts, voices yelling... but unlike I thought, there was no panic. Just focus and action from the Marines. I walked up to the roof of the dilapidated and battle weary building we used as a command post. I walked right up into the firefight, and there was no fear. It was odd. I didn't think of the danger until after... but I guess that is how it goes. I ended up killing a man, and wounding another. I'm not exactly proud of it, I do not brag of it, but by no means am I ashamed either. I am proud to know that I performed well under fire. I kept my cool, didn't freak out or go overboard. And unfortunately I felt comfortable there. I say unfortunately because the battlefield is not a place for civilized societies; and a married man with a kid, a dog, and a house feeling comfortable in this environment is not exactly.... well, lets just say I think there are probably better places I could feel totally comfortable. I hate to admit it, but it felt like I was always suppose to be doing this. Like it was my profession... I guess my dilemma is, I liked the taste of combat, but I don't like the idea that I am good at killing people. That bothers me. It is an interesting internal dilemma... "Don't it make you sad to know that life, is more than who we are?" (Goo Goo Dolls - Name) Yes, because again, I am a good person. Don't freak out on me people, I don't let it eat away at me, and I'm not going to go postal. I accept who I am, and this skill will help me survive here and it still doesn't change the fact that I am who I am. Nothing is different, I am just more aware of who I am. I am still the man who will not pull the trigger unless I have to, but I absolutely will if I must. It's just something I am putting down in words.

I am running out of time here and will write more later. I hope everything is going well on the home front. I miss you all and can't wait to get in touch with you again upon my return. (Please understand that I will want to spend some time with the family before proceeding to the circle of friends though... but that time will also come to fruition, fear not :) ) Fight On my friends!

And as always, Keep up the good fight on the home front.