SYRACUSE POST-STANDARD June 8,1974

By Audrey (Kentuckypine)



DID YOU EVER GET SO MAD you wanted to pound
your kids into the ground? Me too. But you know what happens?
They know you're going to plow them under, so they
look at you with wide and loving eyes and say: "I love you,
mommy." It's not fair.

It is my firm belief that a child suffering from the "terrible
twos" (age 2 to 3) should be securely locked up.

To begin with, their vocabulary is so limited. Seems the
only thing they know how to say is "no." "Do you want to
take a bath?" "No." "Do you want a peanut butter sandwich?"
"No." "Would you like a shot in the mouth?"
"No."

IT'S NOT JUST THE VOCABULARY that upsets me,
it's their whole attitude. All of a sudden, they think
they're people. Why this should happen at such an early
age escapes me entirely.

They find things you hide. You have a bottle of vitamin
pills with iron that you know would be deadly to a child of
that age, so you hide them on the highest shelf in the kitchen
so the little monster can't get to them, right?

Wrong. She drags the table to the counter, puts a box on
the table, puts a chair on the box and another. box on the
chair.

MOUNT EVEREST WOULD BE A SNAP to this kid.
She ingests the tablets, requiring a trip to the emergency'
room of the local hospital.

No matter how you explain to the nurses and doctors
that you had put the tablets out of reach, they don't believe
you. You can bet your boy scout badge that not one of
the people in that hospital has children, much less a
2-year-old.

So, anyway you bring the little beast home after a $250
stay in the hospital and hope for the best

You know what's best? Her grandmother comes over to
tell you that she never had that kind of a problem when
she had little children. She watched her babies every minute.
So you remind her of the time you drank a quart of
papa's homemade wine.

She gets up to leave, and you both glance into the kitchen
Where “grandma’s little angel” is once again piling up boxes.

And you know what grandma says? “Isn’t that cute?”
Where was Planned Parenthood when I needed them?