Listening: "Hotel" "Playboy Mommy" and "Pandora" Tori Amos
Aches and Complaints: dang it's cold in here

The tools are running frickin slow today so I'll steal a few minutes for this.

I've been feeling I don't know, kinda lonely, kinda irritable lately. It's not the overt depression that I'm used to. It makes me restless and snappy, makes me think that I ought to seek out people to hang with but then I wonder if I really want to make them deal with my hang ups.

Recently I came to a sudden, cold realization that most of my friends are male and one way or another I mostly relate to men and avoid women in most of my relations. Besides being terribly imbalanced, I think its part of what is setting me up to feel lonely. Just because it's easier to get along with men doesn't mean I relate to them more deeply. But I miss having women as friends. The complications, the bizarre forms of logic the style and the wit...

Of course there are women near me, but as I've said before I have trouble making friends and while I'm keenly aware of when a friendship starts to slip away I have yet to learn what to do about erosion like this. PArt of being cranky like this is little things rub me raw more easily than they should. Maybe because it's indicative of said thing not being quite as little as it sounds but still... Anyway. At somepoint I'll get around to writing a priveledged entry about my latest pet peeves that my friends seem determined to poke repeadtedly. If you find yourself there and chose to take it personally, just remember I tucked it away for a reason.

(yeah I know I often promise entries that don't show up. These things happen. it's part of blowing off steam)

Besides that I don't think I've got much to say. Just feeling tired and lonely. Of course there's tons of other stuff I could go off on. The WOD, the strikes, the weather but I'm not up to it right now - which is to say, I don't wanna.