Things the past week have been strained a bit. The reason? Because my grandpa's health has made a turn for the worst.

On Thursday night, my mom called my house and let me know that grandpa wasn't the same. Something had happened. My dad had taken him to his home up in Green Valley, CA and he started acting strangely. Apparently, he was sleeping very little during the night and began wandering around the house. Unfortunately, he has become very weak in his legs and they can't support him as well as they once could. As a result, he had fallen at least twice. This forced my dad to stay up at all hours of the night while they were there (only 2 days, but still) and all the while informing my mom as to what he was doing and even calling his doctor. His doctor believes he may have had a mini-stroke. This is possible, but who knows. The other thing that was happening was that he wasn't himself. He had been grasping at things that weren't there, talking to himself about strange things, and apparently not being able to smoke a cigarette without burning his fingers. (They took away the cigarettes and lighter.)

Anyway, on Thursday night he had become quite belligerant (not sure if I spelled it right, but honestly I don't care). So, my mom needed mine and Berek's assistance in getting him into the car to get him to the emergency room.

We didn't stay the entire time in the emergency room with my mom, because at some point my aunt and uncle got there and stayed with her. So Berek and I were dismissed to go home and eat dinner. (This was after 8p.m.) I hugged my grandpa and told him to take care. It seemed at least that while I was there, he was okay. He did do some strange things too, that were uncharacteristic of him, but for the most part he was there with me.

After I left (and I'm not sure if that has any significance or not), he started becoming difficult to control. He wanted to try and leave the hospital, became belligerant again, and tried to get physical with my mom and uncle.

In any case, he's been in the hospital and his condition hasn't changed much, but they have no idea what's going on. It could be the Alzheimer's just progressing at an accelerated pace, it could be a stroke, but they just don't know.

They said that he requested no visitors, which seemed odd to me. But then I figured that maybe it's because he doesn't want us to see him this way. Fortunately, he has been allowing visitors anyway.

I found out yesterday that when my aunt saw him, he mentioned to her that he didn't think he was going to come home and that he believes he's going to die in the hospital. I found this out after Berek and I discussed that I believe he's done and he wants to rest now. No matter how out of his mind he seems from time to time, I think he wants to go now. It's just a matter of getting his body to follow suit. It may be that the reason he comes in and out of his weirdness is because he's trying to leave.

Although this makes me very sad in the sense that he won't be here anymore (in the final outcome), it means he can rest and just be. I think it might actually be for the best. (Don't get me wrong, I don't want him to die, but I don't want him to suffer either.) It's not easy to say any of this. It's not easier to know that this is the beginning of the end, but I think I am coming to terms with it very well. I'm not so sure about other members of my family, but I feel much better knowing that my grandpa is making the decision to be done.

I'm still sad though. I was hoping he'd be around to see me married. At least he got to meet Berek and at least Berek got the privilege of getting to know him a bit. :) There is that...at least.

In any case, that's where I am right now. This weekend Berek, Ben, their mom, and I flew up to the bay area for a family gathering in memory of their grandmother who passed away on December 25th. It was very nice, although very overwhelming because it was an emotionally charged day, but also because of the sheer amount of family and friends to the Marcus family who were there. I am likely to not remember half of them.

We flew back in yesterday and spent a good first half of the day just wandering about and releasing a bit of the depressed energy. Only to find that it would return later that afternoon when my mom needed a witness to sign a power of attorney paper for my grandpa's care for the hospital. My mom was definately strained, although she put her best face forward. My uncle was also strained, but not nearly as much as my mom. I think that's because he hasn't really done much to help her or my grandpa. *sigh* Ah well.

Then, when we got back home, to find that someone had stolen our wreath from the front door of the apartment! I was devastated. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I broke completely. People suck! It was a cute little wreath that was perfect because it didn't scream Christmas or holidays. It was just very autumn. It was a little red berry wreath that had a red and gold bow and I put a little red bird to perch on the bow. Argh! I am so mad about this. Berek's off today so he's going to go to report this to the office.

Also, our toilet must be leaking! Argh! It has to be leaking around the cocking at the front of the toilet. Twice we have found our bathmats completely soaked from the underside! *sigh* Like we need this crap...