Ha. Teach me to mouth off about how I maintain my mental health. Lost a couple of days, didn't even leave the flat never mind do 6,000 steps. Couldn't manage to distract myself as there was fucking Christmas everywhere, all over the radio and the telly and it all hurt too much - though I tried to tell myself this was all for the good, according to that fucking video about grief the other day, if I'm to have any chance of moving forward and maintaining good relationships with my nearest and dearest.

But the whole festive thing is so out of kilter with where my head is, and it feels like a denial of the seriousness of what's happened, to try and stick a good face on it. I haven't got a good face for it and sometimes, for days on end, I can't even muster a neutral face.

But Then YD came down and we've cried and also laughed, so I can still laugh and that was something I needed to know.

I have been grateful for: Sweet child of mine, YD; fabbo sunset; support on FB from all round; we've passed the shortest day; furry boots - no cold feet

Sweet dreams xxxx