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River, week 10
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River,Week 10 photos are up over at Flickr!

River and I went to Target yesterday, where I proceeded to struggle through pushing a stroller and carrying an ever-heavier basket. Target is just too tempting to handle with a hand-basket, and I was so overburdened as I struggled out to the car, a kind stranger helped me. Of course, even though River was an angel most of the time, he was screaming his head off by then (I think it was being still while we waited in checkout).

I got the stuff in the car and, because I love my baby and did not want him to be starving the whole ride home, took him out of the carseat, crawled into the passenger side and proceeded to breastfeed him. I turned the car on (to get some air -- we were in the sun and it was hot) and listened to RadioLab on my iPod while he ate. Then I changed his diaper on the driver's seat.

First issue with a diaper change on a carseat is that they angle back, so he kept rolling into the seatback. And then, just as I was getting a clean diaper on him, we had a poop explosion.

All I have to say is that it's a good thing we have leather seats.

He was cranky on the drive home because, even though it was only 3:45 in the afternoon, we were in stop-and-go commuter traffic for 45 minutes. Gah! Finally I realized that I was listening to a show about musical language and we were in a part where they were talking about sounds that make people riot (and playing examples). I quickly changed to my Cardio workout playlist and a few bars into Black Horse and the Cherry Tree and River was a quiet, happy baby! Talk about soothing the savage beast! I've never heard him quiet down so fast without me picking him up and snuggling/ breastfeeding him!

I'm pumping in the middle of the night, while my baby sleeps. This is so unfair, but he's such a ravenous monster we're already having to supplement a little formula most days, so I dare not give up this milk by letting my body get used to going through the night. At least, not until I have to go to work the next day.

I could write volumes on what a breastfeeding failure I feel like, having to give him even a little formula. The pediatrician assured me he's still getting all the benefits of breastfeeding, but I'm bummed to have to put a foreign substance into him to nourish him. He does flatter me by making such a horrible face if we try to give him formula right after he's been eating breastmilk (I'm sure we'll see that face a lot when he's older and we try to get him to eat various vegetables); the formula smells awful, while my milk is, well, sweet. And it's clear that this was the right decision, if only because he cries a lot less now that we can fill him up. I'm also pretty sure the volume of food helps him sleep through the night. But still, I wish I could have kept up with him entirely.

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