Disclaimer: This post speaks in generalities and not targeted.

I experienced a redemptive revelation today as I was driving to the mountain.

Something has been bothering me a bit.

People think I've changed since my diagnosis.

I haven't.

I'm the same outspoken, ornery, generous, very funny, clever, quippy, smart, kind, loving, occasional potty mouth I've always been.

Here's a news flash: I haven't changed. Those around me have changed and how they perceive me.

When people are given a serious diagnosis, the world pays more attention.

It's that simple.


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What has changed ever so subtly is the way I think. My private unspoken thoughts are different these days.

For example, while driving up the mountain this morning I took some time to wonder if this will be the last season I'll see the red buds in bloom. Today I thought thoughts like, "Gosh, I'll be at David's graduation, after all! And I have every reason to now believe I'll be the grandmother of his children!" And then I filled my car with laughter because David isn't even married yet.

So, yes. I do have different thoughts these days, but most of them are private.

So why do people think I've changed?

I haven't.

They have.

And that's a good thing. And I appreciate the changes they've made, because the wonderful people in my life often give me comfort and nurture the hope that flourishes in my private thoughts.

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I'm adding the following to my original post:

I guess if I'd extended my thoughts I think this is how some people view me: I'm the car wreck they're glad they weren't in. (Awkward sentence but I hope it made sense.) It's human nature to think this way. The person in the car wreck does some stumbling and faces the ramifications of dealing with new obstacles as a result of the wreck. Meanwhile, the passersby sigh a huge, "Whew!"

We all do it. We all say, "By the grace of God..." Or something like that.

I'm just in one of those moods today. I've been annoyed at times when people comment on how nobly I've accepted my diagnosis. Why is it now that people have chosen to recognize the dignity of my life? I'm the same person I've always been. Was I so lacking in dignity before?

Just ignore me. I'm cranky today and have no reason to be. It's a beautiful day and I'm home and really quite happy. I arrived home to several beautiful packages mailed by beautiful people in my life. I am one lucky woman.

But people are darn tootin' right I've taken my diagnosis well.

What other choice is there?

Well, that's how I think, anyway.

And maybe that does make me cool.

Yeah, I'm cool.

Very cool.

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As always, thanks for listening.