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Location: Home.
Listening: "Catherine" ~ PJ Harvey

Up and down today--began down, ended up.

My job is fraying my edges and leading me into microcosmic focus, disturbing my contentment. Small things I would not notice or think anything of become fraught with meaning because I try to control my internal environment when I cannot control my external.

I fear what I love because, if I truly love it, I am defenseless in the face of it. I despise fear, as it's a burden on my will. However, if I don't face it down, I lose the things most important to me.

Peter periodically confounds me. Then we speak bluntly about otherwise difficult subjects and I realize that it's when I think we are the least alike that we have somehow managed to re-converge. I am, by turns, shaky and perfectly secure. Loving him occasionally plays hell with me--but it's never not been worth it. I learn from him and from myself when I react to him. I never thought there was so much I didn't know. I try to do as much for him as he does for me. I hope I succeed.