To Wit:

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park and no one stares at you.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's too filthy.

Wrinkles and gray hair add character.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your mood isn't blamed on your hormones.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars and bottles.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your head stays its original color.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your house if the maid is coming.

You eat what you want, when you want.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nuton a bolt.

You are unable to see clothing wrinkles or stains or rips.

The same hairstyle lasts for years--no, make that decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

One wallet and one pair of shoes equals one color for ALL
seasons.

You can "do" your nails with your pocketknife.

You can enjoy your mustache--or not.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

It's good to be a MAN ... and don't you forget it!