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Sunday at the seaside
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I've been keeping myself busy during the day - thank fuck for that - there was a long stretch when it seemed I'd never initiate any action myself other than rolling a smoke as long as I lived, so to have been pootling about is good.

It all feels a bit hollow and empty which the medics put down as anhedonia, aka being a miserable fucker. If possible, I think it's good to just keep on doing things which were once fun and hope that some fun reappears in the course of it. I've rejoined the photo-a-day challenge, which gives a little bit of manageable purpose with some artistic expression and the possibility of pleasing feedback - pretty cool balance of effort exerted to positive outcomes. Mind you, while most of the topics are unproblematic (so far this month we've had 'Lunch', 'Begins with g' and 'My town'), every now and then one comes along and does my head in completely. Like yesterday: 'Words to live by'. Oh fuck off. If I had some words to live by I wouldn't be in this mess. I lost hours of the evening with my brain short-circuiting all over the place, jittery as fuck, cliches and platitudes bouncing around at top speed, wiping out anything sensible that might have occurred. It took far too long to dawn on me that I can do what I like on this bloody project. I'm only posting the pics to an album, I haven't joined the group. No one's going to come and beat me with a stick for breaking the rules so chill the fuck out and interpret it differently. whew. I took a pic of one of my bookshelves - job done. Today's topic was 'Found' which I could have done indoors as I'm a good magpie and have loads of found stuff, but I did manage to get out and find a dead fish lying in the road, thrown out of the sea by the gales.

I've been walking again. Two consecutive days now, after quite a long break. My legs had started to seize up already - yesterday was so hard I ended up getting a cab home, but had done 6200. Today it's been 7100, in two chunks, in the fierce wind, so all good.

And tomorrow normal life returns in the form of yoga drop-ins and singing group. Hallelujah.

This made me laugh:

Today I am grateful for: Living high on a hill, still; my new cookery book, still - I tweeted about it: Eat by @NigelSlater has finally got me back into cooking #scrummy #thankfuck and he replied: Happiness. Lovely to hear! which was cool; a walk in the wind; waterproof boots; *whispers* two nights without sleeping pills - shhhhh, don't want to jinx it.

Sweet dreams

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